These obstacles, however, are very real. The first, and one
of the most difficult, has to do with forgiveness. The moment we ponder a
twisted or broken relationship with another person, our emotions go on the defensive.
To escape looking at the wrongs we have done another, we resentfully focus on
the wrong he has done us. This is especially true if he has, in fact, behaved
badly at all. Triumphantly we seize upon his misbehaviour as the perfect excuse
for minimizing or forgetting our own.
Right here we need to fetch ourselves up sharply. It doesn't
make much sense when a real tosspot calls a kettle black. Let's remember that
alcoholics are not the only ones bedevilled by sick emotions. Moreover, it is
usually a fact that our behaviour when drinking has aggravated the defects of
others. We've repeatedly strained the patience of our best friends to a
snapping point, and have brought out the very worst in those who didn't think
much of us to begin with. In many instances we are really dealing with fellow
sufferers, people whose woes we have increased. If we are now about to ask
forgiveness for ourselves, why shouldn't we start out by forgiving them, one
and all?
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Eight
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