The embarrassing secret is that many of us are reluctant to
forgive. We nurture grievances because that makes us feel morally superior.
Withholding forgiveness gives us a sense of power, often power over someone who
otherwise leaves us feeling powerless. The only power we have over them is the
power to remain angry at them. At some level, we enjoy the role of being the
long-suffering, aggrieved party.
How Good Do We Have To Be? Rabbi Harold Kushner
So true.. I especially identify with "withholding forgiveness gives me a SENSE of power over someone who otherwise leaves me feeling powerless".. However I also hate my vulnerability - the fact that another individual can hurt me so profoundly, and these conflicting feelings create more turmoil and obsession in my life. But for me the bottom line is that I cannot forgive on my own self will, I HAVE to have God's help and for this I must reach out to HIM/HER daily in prayer and meditation.
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